New Mom on the Blog

I've moved

2011-11-01T13:37:00.000+02:00

Hello people! My goodness, I'm back, but at a new address and with a whole new blog! I guess I could just keep this blog going, but it's so higgledy-piggedly that I thought I'd make a clean start. So if you vaguely remember me, and vaguely remember enjoying some of my posts, please follow my new blog: www.luluslittlelovelies.blogspot.com

Much love to all of you! xxxxxx
Ps: I've really missed blogging, and now that I'm a stay-at-home-mom (just for now) I need some adult company, even if it is in the form of blogging!

Regrets...and joys

2010-11-03T09:43:00.000+02:00

For many months I regretted having a baby. Sadly, that is the truth. It's a truth that, as mother, I don't want to admit but there's no escaping it. It's not that I ever regretted my son per say, but I did regret having him. The total dependency was scary! This was during the early months, when I was walking around in a sleep-deprived coma, with a life that I didn't recognise as mine.

I went into the hospital as a free and independent woman, and I came out of hospital with no freedom and a permanent, crying attachment. I always laugh when people refer to their spouses as their "ball and chain" - a child is a true ball and chain! I couldn't go anywhere or do anything like I could before. I mean, technically I could still go places with the baby, but not practically. As any mother knows, going anywhere with a new baby is a whole operation - nappy bag, bum cream, nappies, bottles, towels, change of clothes etc...and then of course the baby, the pram, the blankets...then you remember yourself and that you haven't even showered yet that day! And the baby starts crying just as you're about to leave and so you have to stop and feed him. Mostly I didn't even feel like going out, but I missed wanting to. And I missed being spontaneous. Not that I was ever one for last minute plans, but if we felt like going out to lunch or a movie my husband and I could just go. Now there were no more movies or easy lunches out for me. Going out for any small thing had to be planned to the enth degree.

Day after day would see me in a pool of tears and it was usually only 9am! I hated feeling so trapped, and so at the mercy of this little crying bundle. The 3 hourly feeds felt like torture - I would just have finished the feed, changed the nappy and put him to sleep when he would wake and the whole cycle would start all over again.

But slowly, day by day, things settled. Not into a routine, mind you, although I was dying for one! No, that came much later, and even now I use the term "routine" loosely! But slowly, we grew accustomed to one another, this little guy and I, and I even started to enjoy some moments with him. The first time he smiled properly at me, at around 5 weeks, was like a little drop of water for my parched soul. And then later came a giggle, and I felt like, okay, maybe I can do this. Maybe I can get through the day. Maybe it will all be okay.

And then came sitting by himself, and with that little bit of independence, a sliver of release arrived for me. I could actually leave him for 5 minutes playing happily with his toys whilst I got on with doing something. And bit by bit, pieces of my old life returned to me as he became more of a little person and less of a helpless blob.

Now, a year down the line, things are nowhere near to normal, but I can say that I have a semblance of a life again, my life, again. It's nothing like my old, carefree, pre-baby life, but it is richer in many ways (and harder in others), but finally I can say with truth and an open heart that I no longer regret having had my baby.

I'm getting my life back!

2010-10-14T17:00:00.000+02:00

My baby boy is nearly a year old and finally I feel somewhat back to normal. He's sleeping through the night, he's nearly walking, and is becoming more like a little human being rather than a helpless blob. Things are looking good! So maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to blog again.

Picture post - 15 weeks

2010-02-08T16:18:00.004+02:00

He is a real water baby! It was so hot this weekend and he just loves being in the pool!

Looking at his toys whilst in his bouncing chair.

One very tired blogger/Night wakings

2010-02-08T11:36:00.003+02:00

I've been a very, very slack blogger, mainly due to the fact that I'm no longer at my husband's shop where the computer is, and secondly, because I'm pretty tired from endless night shifts with my baby. He is still having two feeds at night, and sometimes wakes at other times too! When he wakes and I think it's not feed time, then I just give him a dummy. He sleeps on his tummy and lately, because he has started to roll, he rolls onto his back in his sleep and that often wakes him up and I find him lying in his cot with his eyes wide open, as if he startled himself. He still can't roll back the other way yet, so I have to put him on his tummy again for him to go back to sleep. Usually this works, but some nights I'm up about 4 times! Other nights, when he sleeps more solidly, I'll only be up twice for his feeds, and that's a great night! But all I dream of is a solid night's sleep again! I'm used to the nights now, but still.

I get SO jealous when I hear of these babies who just sleep through the night. I don't know if the fact that I'm breastfeeding makes a difference, as it's often formula babies who seem to sleep through, but my baby is 3 and a half months old now and he is still feeding twice at night, and not going very long between feeds at night. I guess some babies are like that, but I keep wondering what I can do to encourage him to go longer at night. I tried to give him formula for 2 nights for his last feed, but that didn't really help much either. I guess I could try again, but I am happy that he is almost exclusively breastfed. That is, at least, the one thing I feel I'm getting right with him and unless the formula is going to make a huge difference, I'm not keen to use it. It's also a hassle to keep washing and sterilising bottles when it's much quicker and easier to just whip out a boob!

Oh well, hopefully by six months or so he'll be sleeping longer. I wonder when I'll get my nights back? Or at least drop down to just one night feed? Help.

A few more pics

2010-01-05T09:15:00.002+02:00

The top pic is from a few weeks ago, the second pic is more recent, about 2 weeks ago. The little guy is now 11 weeks - wow!

My Caesar birth experience

2009-12-31T10:52:00.003+02:00

I have been meaning to blog about my c-section for ages now, so I will take the chance today to do so.

That morning we had to be at the hospital early - 6 am - as I was the first patient of the day - so we woke at about 5 am to get ready to go. What a surreal feeling to know that "this is the day I am going to be a mother". I guess when you go into natural labour you have a different kind of excitement, but this feeling of knowing for sure that in a few hours you'll be holding your baby in your arms - it was like nothing I've felt before. Excitement mixed with nerves mixed with anticipation and a touch of fear of the unknown.

My gynae was there bright and early and all cheery - I was a bundle of nerves by then. He asked me and my hubby if we could all join hands and say a prayer - which I thought was really a wonderful, lovely touch. He said a very sweet prayer asking that all goes well and that God blesses us with a healthy baby. I felt like crying!

The anaethetist then came in to meet me and so began the quickest event of my life. I truly felt like the whole caesar went by in a flash. One minute I'm being prepped, given the spinal and the next minute it felt like the baby was out! So fast, just like that! (I'm clicking my fingers here.) They were already cutting me open when my husband joined us in the theatre - talk about wasting no time! But the whole time I felt very anxious - would I feel something? What was happening? I could also smell them cortirising my flesh - what a terrible smell! Then in the next second the gynae was lifting the baby over the screen to show him to me - now that was the shortest moment ever! It's burned into my memory forever - the first glimpse of my newborn son - but I felt like it only lasted a nanosecond before they were whipping him away to examine him, weigh him and whatever else they do. And I remember my first thought was "Oh thank God he doesn't look like a funny little monkey" (as a lot of babies do). He was actually really beautiful, even if I say so myself - like a poster baby. And I was SO relieved and couldn't believe that this gorgeous baby was mine. I had produced him. This was the thing that had been squirming around inside me for the past few months!

My hubby (as instructed by me) immediately went with the baby whilst I lay there being stitched up -craning my neck to see my baby - but I saw nothing and could only hear him crying. But that crying was like music to my ears. He is alive and well and breathing! Then they brought baby to me for a quick photo or two, and then I was whisked away to recovery - where I got the most uncontrollable shakes. And all the while my mind and heart is with my baby - I was DYING to see him again and hold him and examine him properly!

Finally I was back in my ward, and luckily they brought my baby to me shortly after that for his first feed. All I can say is, the nursing sister who helped me get him to latch was a godsend! An angel from heaven. I really believe she is the reason I am successfully breastfeeding today. Because with a (by now very painful) caesar cut, I couldn't sit up, could hardly move to the side - how awkward for this poor baby to basically feed with me lying down. But she encouraged me to sort of lie on my side and she pulled out my nipple and positioned him as best as to allow him to latch - and latch he did! Hoorah! And we were on our way. But if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have had the faintest clue how to get that tiny mouth onto my breast.

And then the PAIN really started to set in as the spinal wore off. They came and injected me with something which was meant to take the pain away, but all it did was make me very drowsy but I still felt intense pain! So I just lay there, all drugged and trying to sleep, but not able to, my mind was racing with the events of the day, and the shooting pain kept me awake too!

I tell you, I have never felt pain like that in all my life. I could hardly even move in the bed! And the very next morning at the Godforsaken hour of about 5 am they made me get up and go for a shower! I did it, but I was in agony!

All in all, my caesar went well, but I felt so very helpless afterwards what with not being able to move, not being able to get in and out of bed by myself etc. I felt like I wasn't able to fully take care of my baby and that was very frustrating! But looking back now, I can say that I was lucky to have had a "good" caesar - all went well, I have healed well, and I was up and walking - albeit painfully - the next day!

Routines for a baby?

2009-12-31T09:29:00.002+02:00

I am at "work" today (my hubby's business) because the lady we hired to replace me has the day off. My mom is looking after baby - weird for me to not be with him today. But it is giving me some time to blog.

I guess today I want to talk about routines for a baby. Is there such a thing when the baby is so small? (Seth is 10 weeks old now).

I have read books that advise a daytime routine for baby, and they claim to be able to get the baby to sleep through the night. But my baby changes things up from day to day. One day he'll sleep all the time, next day not. So how could I put him onto a routine? And I hear and read about babies learning how to self-soothe - but how? How does a baby learn this? I have to rock Seth to sleep, or let him fall asleep on the breast. There is no way he will just go down for a nap.

So I was hoping any of you experienced mothers out there would share your wisdom with me. Did you have a routine? If so, from what age? Did you have a set "bed-time"? Help.

I feel I am doing a pretty okay job at meeting his needs - he is well fed, he does sleep, but there is no order or pattern at all. I'll put him to bed at night at different times each night, depending on when he wakes or is ready for his last evening feed.

I'd love to know what any of you think or have to say? Otherwise I'm really getting into being a mommy and am really falling in love more and more each day. Even when I'm exhausted and sleep-deprived!

Baby Sleep

2009-12-12T12:21:00.002+02:00

Babies and their sleeping! Very confusing and frustrating.

I'm talking mainly about daytime sleep! Seth hardly sleeps in the day anymore! He is now just over 7 weeks old (already) and he has woken up big time! Here's how it goes: I'll get him to go to sleep, he'll have a half hour catnap, and then boom, he's awake. Then I invariably have to try rock him to sleep again, or something. Why does he not sleep for more than half an hour in the day? What happened to at least an hour or so?

His nights are okay, not bad at all, although he's gone back to waking every 3-4 hours after he did a couple of 5-6 hour stretches for a few nights. But I can't complain about the nights, because he wakes, eats, then goes straight back to sleep.

But the daytime has me flummoxed! Aren't little babies meant to be sleepy? Aren't they "meant" to need a lot of sleep, even in the day? I guess it's not really a problem, per se, but I can't quite figure it out. Because if I have him in the Kango Pouch (those front pack holder things) then he does sleep long! He loves being in there. He'll sleep, wake, moan, and go straight back to sleep when he's in the pouch. So why not when I put him down on the bed? Weird.

Let's just hope that the nights get longer again. That'd be great.

Granny time

2009-12-07T13:45:00.002+02:00

Granny (my hubby's mom) is baby sitting for a while hence I have the time (short as it may be) to blog a bit.

I am finding it hard to let go and let her have him for a while, but I have to. He's also been very niggly today, so I think he may be giving her a hard time, and I am dying to rush next door (she's just a door away) to see how he is doing, but I mustn't. I must leave her to it. Because I also need a break. I need to have a small bit of time for myself, without baby. It's difficult to do.

On the whole he's not a bad baby, but he has his days where he cries, or doesn't sleep so well and then I feel like I'm going crazy. I am part of a mom's group and we get together once a week, and let me tell you, this group is my sanity. It's so wonderful to hear other mom's stories about their babies, and it's wonderful to see that my baby is normal, and that they all cry at times and do funny things.

It sounds terrible, but I'm battling to really enjoy this time with my baby. Yes, I love him, dearly, and he is very cute and beautiful, but I find it SO frustrating that you just don't know what they want sometimes, as they can't talk! I've actually ordered that 'Dunstan Baby Language' dvd (she was on Oprah) and I'm dying for it to arrive so I can have some sort of insight into his "language". Anyway, I guess mother's have managed for centuries without that dvd, so I shouldn't pin all my hopes onto it.

Otherwise, he's started to sleep a bit longer at nights, so it's giving me a little more sleep, and I'm hoping he continues to stretch it.

That's my life at the moment - baby, baby, baby! I guess the older he gets the more I'll have time to do other things. I am dying to get back to the gym, but at the moment, don't really have the time. Let's hope next year I'll be able to!

Baby Pictures

2009-12-05T09:54:00.003+02:00

Baby with his dad

The smile we managed to capture on camera!

A quick post as I still find it very hard to find time for much else these days besides the baby - but here are some pics of him. Let me say that it is getting somewhat easier, but some days are harder than others. I guess I'm just not a natural baby person - but I am loving being a mother - does that make sense? I love that this little being came from me and that he will grow into a man and will have a personality one day - but all the baby-work is not really my scene. You know, endless nappy changes, night feeds, crying, rocking...it's exhausting at times. But he's just started smiling about 2 weeks ago, and that is very rewarding. Makes it all worth while at times.

Brand new mommy

2009-11-05T08:14:00.006+02:00

Being a new mommy is hard! So much more than Iever thought! For example, I am sitting here typing with one hand - that feels weird - and holding my baby in the other! No wonder women are wired to multi-task, we have to! I want to see a man do this!

As I've mentioned, these first two weeks have been a huge dose of reality - I always expected the early days to be difficult, but not quite SO difficult! Nothing can prepare you for the anguish and frustration you feel when your gorgeous little bundle is crying and you can't figure out why. And as much as everyone tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps, your body is just not used to functioning on 2 hour or less grabbed naps. I have been very weepy some days, I think from a combination of tiredness and hormones and adjusting to the new routine. I've already had thoughts of leaving him with my mother until he's about 3 months, I've told my hubby I just can't do this anymore and that I regret having a baby! Of course I don't mean a word of it,but when you're so tired you get desperate!

My gynae has put me on "baby blues" medication, so I'm hoping it kicks in & works! Not that it will give me extra sleep, which is what I feel I really need, but it may just help my frame of mind.

The bonus is that he's not a fussy baby who cries for nothing, but he still cries obviously. There is nothing worse than the sound of your child's cry, I have learnt. Which has made me more emotional - although now I'm learning that there is nothing I'm doing wrong, it's just life with a baby.

On the body front, let me just praise the slimming benefits of breastfeeding! I am now already down to my pre-pregnancy weight, can you believe it? OK, my tummy is still a bit loose and soft, but if you didn't know me, you wouldn't say I've just had a baby. I thank my lucky stars, as I have done nothing to help this along!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Well, I never did get to finish this post. It's now three weeks in and I'm feeling much better - a combination of the medication and just getting used to so little sleep, I think, plus I'm starting to feel more confident with Seth, I think. It's amazing how nervous I was in the beginning - the first bath terrified me - I broke out into a sweat doing it, and of course the baby crying didn't help either! But now I'm more relaxed, and once he's in the water, he actually enjoys it.

As for routines.....my word, it's hard to get a newborn into any kind of routine. I'm hoping that when he's older we'll naturally fall into some kind of routine. For the most part he feeds between every two to three hours, which is normal from what I read. You can't expect them to really go longer at this stage. So night and day I'm on call with the boob every 2 hours or so! That's partly what gets so tiring, but at least the breastfeeding is going really well and I'm giving my son the best! Seeing as I had a caesar, this has helped me feel more like my body is "working" properly.

So overall I'm settling into mommyhood this week. I can only hope and pray that is gets even easier each week - I've been told it does. I'd appreciate any tips/advice any of you mothers out there have - anything that works and makes life easier. But on the whole, I'm finally realising that this is it, this is motherhood and this is my new life!

Baby Seth has arrived!

2009-11-03T20:26:00.003+02:00

Just a quick post - I have NO time anymore now that I'm a mommy - to introduce you to my little bundle of joy and sleepless nights!

I will have to post about the whole caesar experience another time, but all went off well, I am healing, baby is healthy and big - a whole 3.6 kgs at birth - and we are settling into life together. It's difficult - that's a whole other post!

But here he is!

My baby arrives next week

2009-10-17T09:11:00.007+02:00

Well, first things first. I went to Durban this Tuesday just past to Crompton Hospital (let me just say - what a lovely hospital and great staff) where I had found a gynae who was willing to do an External Cephalic Version for me even though I'm not a regular patient of his. He was very nice, and very competent - he scanned me and baby first, then monitored us for half an hour, then gave me a tablet to relax my uterus (although with me being somewhat nervous about doing this, I don't know how relaxed my uterus could have been) and then he and a colleague both worked at turning the baby. They first tried to get my baby to do a forward roll - then a backward roll - but my stubborn little boy was having none of it! Unfortunately because I was doing this at 38 weeks baby has already "lodged" his bum in my pelvis and the gynae just couldn't get it out. Also, he wasn't lying in a very good position to be turned, so even though they really tried (they even had the bed tilted so that my head was lower than my feet to get gravity to help) it didn't work.

Then they monitored me and the baby for over an hour afterwards to make sure we were both fine, and then I was allowed to go home.

So sadly, the procedure didn't work but I feel much more at peace now with the fact that I have done every possible thing to turn this baby. I now know that there is a higher reason why we can't have natural birth and we've now booked our caesar date - for next week Wednesday the 21st October. I will be just over 39 weeks at that point so I'm grateful to my gynae for allowing me to go so long - usually they want to caesar at 38 weeks - because it gives my baby a last chance to turn (although I doubt it) and personally I feel that baby will be as close as ready to being mature as possible. The risk is that I go into labour before Wednesday, but I'm sure I won't, I'm sure all will be okay and we'll be prepared and ready for Wednesday next week.

So now hubby and I are just mentally preparing ourselves for the fact that in a few short days time we'll be parents!

Here are some pics - of swollen belly and swollen feet. These poor feet of mine are sure ready to have this pregnancy over! But people keep telling me I'm carrying small for being at the end - but to me I'm huge and there is no more room for this baby - well, that's how I feel! So the end is in sight for me.

Thoughts

2009-10-10T10:50:00.003+02:00

I'm sort of on maternity leave now (from my husband's business) which means that I don't officially come into the office/shop but I do help out a bit now and then. Like today, being a saturday - I'll sit in here and serve the odd customer and answer the phone, but I'm not working hard. My poor feet are really taking a hammering now with the swelling, but I'm putting them up as much as possible now.

My mom is off work as well and came up to visit me yesterday. We "waddled" around the shops yesterday and had lunch and chatted. It was really, really nice. I've needed to just relax! It's important at the end to just be chilled as my poor body is just saying "enough" now. My belly is growing daily (unbelievable but true) and my feet and legs ache! But on the plus side I've had no heartburn and no backache so I'll say I'm lucky!

I can't help thinking and going over my very disappointing last visit with my gynae and how "gentle" he was with his attempt to turn the baby. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to hurt my precious bundle or put him at risk, but I also want to give myself the best possible chance at not having a caesarean. I don't want to fight things, but I also feel I've got one chance here.

So I'm thinking - do I go as far as trying to find someone in Durban (the nearest big city) who is skilled at doing external versions? Or are they a risky procedure and not worth it? God, it's all too much to contemplate! I just don't know what to do now. Trust my gynae (who has a good reptutation) or try for a "second" version/opinion? My husband doesn't understand my feelings, but then again, he is not the one who is going to be cut open!

No "turn" of events

2009-10-07T15:57:00.002+02:00

The gynae did the most gentlest of "turning" ever! We went yesterday for our 37 week check up and I was expecting a full on Cephalic External Version (google it and loads of info will come up!) where they literally turn the baby for you, but all I got was the gynae applying gentle pressure on bum and back of head, and then he waited for the baby to kick and turn by himself!

To be honest, I was a bit disappointed. I was expecting a full on attempt at turning the baby! But then again, I am not an expert and I am also glad that he is erring on the side of not hurting the baby. But I was disappointed that the baby didn't turn, and had my hopes pinned on this visit.

So either my gynae is not into taking risks, or he is not that skilled at doing a "real" external version, but either way, things are heading more and more in the direction of a c-section. I must say, for all my trying to come to accept it, I was very disappointed yesterday and had a good old cry!

You see, part of the problem is that living in a small coastal town is that this gynae is the best down here, as far as I know, and there is no one else qualified to do an external version.

The good thing is that he hasn't rushed us into a ceasar - he's going to see us next week, check if baby hasn't turned, and try to turn him again. But really, I feel that his "attempt" at turning the baby was so gentle it was almost pathetic. Anyway, it's worth another shot. And at least I'm not booking the ceasar for next week as I thought. And if we have to book the ceasar, he'll still check on the day to see if baby hasn't turned, so he's given me the gift of time, at least!

Main thing is baby is at a good, healthy, perfectly normal weight, and he and I are both healthy and fine!

I am fine, except for my poor, fat, swollen feet. I must actually upload a picture - they really look terrible! They are like elephant stumps - my lower legs, ankles and feet are all huge! I hope they go back down to normal after all this! By the end of the day they are achey and sore too. I can't believe how much fluid can fit into them! I can now only wear flip flops, and very loosely tied takkies (if I get them on first thing in the morning before my feet have gotten so big).

Pregnancy is not for the faint hearted, I tell you what. But, I've got about 2 weeks to go, so it's not long now.

A bit better

2009-09-30T13:14:00.002+02:00

After all your support and good wishes and stories, I am feeling somewhat better about my possible c-section. I realise that there are pros and cons to both methods of delivery and so I believe that God knows best and I won't fight my fate.

There is still the external version coming up at my next gynae visit - so I'm hoping that works, but at the same time I'm not holding my breath.

I'm coming to a point of acceptance. At this stage, reluctant acceptance, but I also know that once my baby is here I will probably not care how he arrived! I'll just be so overwhelmed with motherhood and love and all that. It's hard to imagine how being a mother will feel - only time will tell. But I'm looking forward to it.

I went to a moms and moms-to-be coffee morning yesterday and watched a breastfeeding dvd - and I was sitting there, watching the images of the babies suckling at their mother's breasts, I thought "That'll be me soon!" I can't believe I'll have this tiny, helpless little creature sucking on my boobs! I will be the source of food and comfort to a being. That is a mind-blowing thought.

C-section blues

2009-09-26T17:59:00.003+02:00

As much as I am looking forward to meeting and holding my baby (my first child, my very own flesh and blood) I am also feeling a bit down about the very likely possibility of having a c-section.

It's a whole mixture of emotions going on inside me and the one place where I feel I can let it out and be myself, is right here on my blog. I know you will all understand the mix.

My baby still hasn't turned, despite the fact that I've hung myself almost upside down (breech exercises) and despite going the chiro for treatment. I know he hasn't turned because our local veterinarian, with whom my husband and I have become friends, offered to do a quick scan for me after hearing my predicament. You see, he and his wife have just recently had a baby themselves and they know exactly what we're going through. They had also planned and hoped for natural, and then last minute their baby girl disengaged from the pelvis and turned her head the wrong way and they had to schedule a casear as well. Anyway, so I took the vet up on his very kind offer of having another scan, and sure as dammit my baby boy is in the exact same position he was at the gynae scan. Seems like he's made himself quite comfortable in there, head up and proud.

So I have to face the very real possibility of being cut open to deliver my baby.

Shame, the other day my husband said "So are you excited? It's getting so close now!" And my honest answer was "No, I just can't get excited about having a caesarean."

I am petrified of the whole procedure. Cutting and needles and anesthetic and IV drips...help. I can't believe I'll be awake through an operation where they'll be cutting through my gut! Yikes. So there's my incredible fear of the whole thing (and of course, the smaller fears, like what if they hit a nerve when they insert that spinal block needle etc?) and then there's my worry about post-op recovery and post-op breastfeeding.

Now, I have to admit that one of my other biggest fears regarding the c-section is how will my tummy look afterwards? It's very vain I know - after all, I will be gaining a baby! - but I am terrified of having a "caesar-pouch" forever after. I have heard countless women mention this, that they have a little pouch of tummy skin hanging over the scar, and no amount of diet or exercise can get rid of it. Is this true? I'd love to hear from any of you who have had c-sections or who know of someone who has. Is there a pouch or can one get rid of it? I'm so ashamed that this is one of my big fears - it seems so silly, doesn't it? But I had a pretty decent, flat stomache before I fell pregnant, and I'm prepared to work hard to get it back, but the thought of a doctor not only scarring me for life but leaving me with a pouchy belly really depresses me. So there, I'm a vain, bad mother already!

My dad's girlfriend is the only woman I've ever heard who says she had no problem getting her lower abs back after her 2 c-sections. In fact, she may be a freak of nature as she is tiny and muscular and fit and all that, but she does offer me some hope. She is the only woman I know who "enjoyed" her caesars, and she reckons they are the way to go! So I'm hoping I'll find the same.

My other concern is about the effects of the spinal block on the baby - I'm hoping minimal, but I've read that some caesar babies are a bit drowsy. I am hoping that this isn't the case with mine, as I was actually aiming for the whole drug-free birth route...but all this just shows me that I can't control life and I have no choice but to let go. Fuck. I hate that about life sometimes.

And my last concern is getting breastfeeding established after a caesarean. Hopefully I'll do okay, and I hope they let me hold and nurse my baby quite soon after the operation, but I have this odd worry that "How will my body know it's supposed to be producing milk etc when it didn't go into labour?" I know a lot of women who have breastfed just fine after their c-sections, but I'm wondering how? I know we are meant to producing colostrum already, but I don't see any. Just a tiny bit of it, but not enough to feed a baby! The poor guy will surely starve the first few days!

Oh well, I am still pinning a small shred of hope on the external version with the gynae working...but something tells me my baby is quite happy where he is and he won't want to turn.

Well, I just needed to vent all of this...if any of you have any positive stories (Simply-Mel, I think I'm now ready to hear all of what you have to say) please do share! Or advice or anything!

Kicking and moving

2009-09-25T16:19:00.002+02:00

I have diligently been doing my breech tilt exercises every chance I get and I'm going to my chiro who can do the Webster technique which is meant to keep the uterus correctly positioned so that baby has the right amount of space at the bottom for his head. So I'm really trying. I went to the chiro again this morning for a follow up and now, all day long, I've been feeling the baby move and kick ALOT! So either he's just shifted position or he's trying to move into position or something...but I am feeling way more movements today! So please hold thumbs for me!

I am now starting to suffer with swollen feet on the odd days - luckily, not every day - but some days they puff up quite big and I feel like an old lady!

I shaved a few days ago and I think it'll probably be the last time I'll be able to - what a battle to get my leg up high enough with this big ball of a stomache in the way!

I got a french pedicure the other day - gel toes - and the lady told me they should last up to a month, so I won't have to battle with trying to paint my toenails or any of that nonsense. And if they don't last quite so long, that's fine - a good excuse to go again! It's really nice and necessary at the end of pregnancy to have some pampering, because I feel so heavy, clumsy and very UN-sexy.

I have got about 2 -3 cm of dark roots showing now - but I won't do any more hair dying or anything till after baby arrives.

Keep praying that my naughtly little bugger turns for me!

Breech boy

2009-09-21T19:25:00.003+02:00

Hey there, I've been very absent and busy! But I am doing well, and baby is fine - except that he is lying Breech.

I am now 35 weeks, so only 5 weeks to go officially. This pic on the left was taken about two weeks ago and I've grown since then, I'm sure!

I've just been really busy with my husband's business. We had found someone to take over what I was doing, and then she upped and left, and so we've had to interview and hire all over again...so I'm left training a new girl!

I've had hardly a moment to breath - which is probably not great for the baby - but that's life. I'm trying my best not to stress out, trying to consciously relax, but it's difficult. And now that I've found out he's still lying breech...all my dreams and hopes for a natural home birth have gone down the drain.

At my next gynae visit he will attempt an External Version (where he will try to move the baby into a head down position) but if that isn't successful then we may have to schedule a caesarian. God. I can't believe it. All I ever wanted was a natural birth, and it looks as if it may come to this. Look, there is still time...but it's so ironic that a woman like me who would do anything for a natural delivery may have no choice but to have a caesar, and yet women who want caesars have babies that are presenting perfectly for natural deliveries! Typical of the universe, or Murphy's law.

I know that everyone says "but a healthy baby is all that counts" and I agree, and it's true. But something about the dream of a natural delivery just dying like that is not so easy to swallow either. I feel a mixture of disappointment, frustration (because there is nothing I can do to control it) and acceptance at the same time.

So I'm begging all of you, if you read this, to send me and my baby prayers and the power of positive thinking to help him to turn! I do believe in the power of prayer/positive thinking and I do still have time. There is a small window of time for him to turn.

The home S T R E T C H

2009-08-07T09:10:00.004+01:00

Excuse the terrible pic of me, I just had a shower, but I wanted to show my "cone" bump in all it's glory! 28 weeks preggers.

I've been a very absent blogger lately, but my pregnancy has been consuming my thoughts lately, along with all the info we're learning at our antenatal classes. And of course, my ever growing belly/body is starting to make life a little uncomfortable.

One of the main things I'm thinking about lately is having a home birth. I went to visit the two hospitals in the area I live, and while they are both lovely, private hospitals, they just have their own "rules" and are so clinical. So I got to thinking about a home birth, and have found the number of a really reputable midwife who does them and she's got rave "reviews" from three moms I've spoken to who have used her.

The benefits of a home birth, for me, if I get the all clear from my ob/gyn are:

I can have both my husband and my mother at the birth (whereas hospitals want to limit you to one birth partner only)
My baby doesn't get taken away from me after the birth to be put in the incubator for two hours! Yes, I asked, and they routinely do this for all babies, even natural birth babies. I have no idea why? They say it's to warm the babies, but wouldn't being held by the mother warm the baby up?
I can have a water birth if I decide to go that route.
I will have the constant, undivided care of the midwife and doula and not have changing staff/nurses coming and going off shifts. My ob/gyn only gets there for the last few minutes of the birth anyway, so he won't be around during labour. I will feel more confident in the care of someone I have built up a bit of a relationship with beforehand.
As I'd ideally like to go the drug-free route (better for me and baby) I won't have hospital staff constantly offering me an epidural or any other drug. The midwife can administer pethidene (I've heard it's not nice though) and she has other natural ways to deal with pain.
I will feel more relaxed in my own home, I can eat, drink, make a cup of tea (in the early stages), play my own music if I want, walk outside, or moan and groan and not worry about disturbing other people.

The list is actually endless for me - but obviously each labour is different. The advantage is that we live really close to both hospitals so I have back up if needed and I will only go ahead with a home birth if all is well and normal with me and baby - which, up till now, has been the case. I will see my doctor in about two weeks and get his feeling on this, but the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of a home birth.

I can't believe I'm in the final stretch - literally and physically speaking too! Because now my bump is really growing - my poor skin! I haven't got any stretch marks yet, but I can see the skin in stretched and thin. I'm using tissue oil in the hopes that it helps, but I know there is no proven remedy. Oh well. I'm still forcing myself to go to gym but the extra weight I am carrying is tiring on my poor legs - they feel like lead weights on the treadmill! And it's harder to roll over at night, or find a comfy position. But it's not bad yet!

Just looking forward to the day I meet my baby Seth for the first time.

Picture

2009-07-16T12:59:00.003+01:00

Here is my belly at 24 weeks pregnant. Compare that to this. (Scroll down to see my tum when it was flat.) Amazing the difference. Will I ever be flat like that again?

It's official - it's a boy!!!

2009-07-12T12:16:00.005+01:00

Here is our baby's face in profile, this is about the clearest pic . The umbilical cord coming down on the right, and the hand is creating that blurry mass on the side of his head.

A more blurry image, but more front on, and you can see the ear on the left.

Here is our baby's arm and hand, looks like he's waving at us.

Last week we went for our fourth scan and our baby is DEFINITELY a boy. This time there was no doubt about that. So we've now settled on a name, and we're "releasing" our choice to the world - we've decided to call him Seth.

We like it because it's short and can't be shortened or changed into anything else, and he can't really be teased. It's not too common, but not so unusual either that no one has ever heard of it or can't spell or pronounce it. It's always been a name I've liked, and then after watching that movie "City of Angels" with Meg Ryan and Nicholas Cage where Nicholas Cage played an angel called Seth, I really liked it even more.

So Seth it is. Our baby boy Seth. It's weird, 'cos now we say "Seth's kicking" or "Seth likes that" and he's not even here yet. Well, he is here, but not in a tangible way yet.

Although it's starting to feel more and more real to me - this whole "I'm gonna have a baby" thing. I'm getting more nervous about his impending arrival - I'm almost six months pregnant! That means three months left of just me and my husband, three months left to get the nursery ready, three months left for me to enjoy my alone time and peace and quiet....oh boy, what am I getting myself into?

I've been reading a few books on the first few months of a baby's arrival, and it really sounds hard. It sounds like my whole world will be turned upside down - if not by lack of sleep then simply by the fact that my time will be dedicated to fulfilling this little person's needs.

People laugh when I say this, but I'm saying it again now: I think this is going to be an only child. First and last baby. Yes, I've always wanted a girl, but I don't know if I can do all of this again - and I haven't even been through the labour yet!

Having said that, this weekend Mr. Cat and I got stuck in and are trying to finish painting the cot - his from when he was a baby. I'm looking forward to the baby, but with a healthy degree of first-timer nerves, I think.

I'm so vein

2009-06-29T07:33:00.002+01:00

And no, that's not a spelling mistake - I meant to spell vein like that, because today I want to talk about dreaded varicose and spider veins!

Both of which I'm getting, now that I'm pregnant. To be honest, I'm actually not sure, but I think varicose veins are those big thick ones that look like snakes under the skin? And the spider ones are the tiny dark bluey-purple ones that are like little threads?

Anyway, I'm getting both kinds on my legs -argh! I've always had pretty visible veins - you can see them underneath my skin - but now one big one on my right thigh is getting thicker and is starting to stick out a bit - gross! And I've got a few little "bursts" of the spider veins as well. Charming, I tell you. The spider veins are less of a worry to me - I believe I can have those removed if I want - at a cost of course, but at least there's that option. It's this big, nasty wormy vein that is worrying me - it's really unsightly and I can only hope and pray that it goes down after pregnancy, because I would imagine you can't remove a big vein like that.

I don't know if there's anything I can do to help prevent these veins from swelling up like that? Or help them go down? Have any of you who have been through this in pregnancy got any advice? I'll chat to the gynae next time - but for now, I am just trying not to sit in one position for too long, and I'm going to join the gym again this evening so that I can get some blood circulating again.

On another note - I thought I would feel exposed having posted pics of myself on my blog - but I actually don't. So I'll leave them up for now. If you missed that post, go here.

Tum tum tum

2009-06-27T10:50:00.003+01:00

Another baby bump pic post.

Which hair colour? Your help please

2009-06-25T15:08:00.008+01:00

My most recent haircolour

My previous browny blonde

When I went ultra blonde

A strawberry blonde inbetween shade

Pulp fiction black!

In a very rare moment of self-exposure I have decided to reveal my face here on blogger!!! This won't last long - I'll put this post up for a week, then I may take it down again...

But I am bored - AGAIN - with my hair colour and thought I'd post pics of my last couple of hair shades (God knows I've done it all) and post them here for you all to vote on.

The top brown hair shade is what I'm currently sporting. It's not bad, but I'm bored with it already.

Please cast your vote - ie: leave me a comment, telling me which shade of haircolour you think suits me best, and I may just change again after the birth of my baby. (Obviously I'm not going to do any major hair dying or changes now!)

Baby City

2009-06-22T10:08:00.002+01:00

is where I went this weekend, with my mother earth friend (she has two of her own). She told me what I'd need, and I put it in the trolley. Just a few basics, like nappies, powder, cotton wipes, wet wipes, gripe water, maternity bra, ugly granny panties for the hospital...well, I walked out with a trolley full of these small goodies! Baby City is definitely the place to shop for everything you'll need for a baby. It's crowded and you can hardly move in there, but their prices are good, and they have it all!

It made this baby seem suddenly REAL. I felt like a "real" mom-to-be, also now that I have the belly to show for it. This is really happening....

Bigger and better

2009-06-18T08:42:00.003+01:00

Here is my most recent pic of my tum - now look how it's grown! I think I'm at that stage now where suddenly it's getting bigger quicker - I feel like it's grown overnight. It's cool because now I look pregnant, as opposed to just thick around the middle, but it's not so cool in terms of clothing. I am battling, but I really don't want to buy too many things for my pregnancy that I won't wear for that long!

I'm feeling the baby move regularly now, but they are still soft and fluttery, and not that easy for my poor hubby to feel.

I am registered with a few of these baby websites where they send you weekly updates on your and your baby's development, and they will include other little bits of information. I was reading one article where the author reckons that even decaf coffee has an effect on the fetus! Now I don't know if I should believe that or not, because I have switched over to decaf (for the sake of my baby) and thought I was doing a good thing! I don't even know if I should be drinking tea, as it also has caffeine in it! My God, they know how to make mothers-to-be feel guilty, I tell you that. I drink about one cup of tea and about 2 cups of decaf coffee a day - is that bad? I just can't face the thought of drinking rooibos or herbal teas - they just don't do it for me. Otherwise I must drink milo, but that's a bit sweet and calorie-loaded and I don't always feel like something so rich.

But on the whole, I am so grateful that everything is progressing normally and healthily for me, and I am working hard and am a little stressed at the moment (again not good for the baby) but I am advertising the position and hope to find someone suitable to take over from me. I'd also love a bit more free time to do "baby stuff" like decorate the room, finish painting the cot, etc.

Hey there sexy man!

2009-06-05T15:09:00.002+01:00

My libido is back!

After being gone for the past 4 months, it's finally made a, er, come back, so to speak.

The only weird thing is, my libido is not only back in a normal way for my husband, it's back in a big way, in that suddenly I'm seeing men everywhere! Sexy, hunky men! Wherever I go! It's really weird, because it's not like me to be fantasizing and daydreaming about every cute guy I see. And yet, suddenly I am.

I guess this is what it must feel like to be a guy? To be thinking about passionate encounters with virtual strangers all the time.

Now don't get me wrong. It's not like I want to or ever would act on these - I'm a married lady! But to be feeling like a horny teenager all of a sudden is quite...what is the word I'm looking for?...enlivening. It feels like some part of me that was almost long forgotten has been reborn. I feel sexy and actually want to put on make-up in the mornings and make an effort with my hair. And yes, this is spilling over to my dear husband as well. I am a lot more "in the mood" so I'm sure he's happy.

It just amazes me what hormones can do, what power they have over my body and my mood. I would never have said so, until I became pregnant, and have now been at the mercy and whim of all my hormones.

For now, I'll enjoy this part and indulge in a few lovely fantasies! No harm in that - and my general appearance is benefiting as well!

It's a ....boy?

2009-06-01T12:47:00.002+01:00

We went for our third ultrasound last week (I have only found 10 mins now to post!) and the gynae said he's 95% sure we're having a boy.

So we are tentatively telling people it's a boy - but of course, the gynae could be wrong. The same gynae told two of my acquaintances the same thing - first that it was a boy - then the next visit it became a girl. So we're not convinced just yet, but the blob between the legs that he was looking at did look suspiciously boy-like!

I have to admit, I am not sad it's a boy, but I did want a girl. I'm really sure why - maybe because my mom and I are so close that I dream of having the same great relationship with my daughter? I guess I was dreaming of shared shopping mall trips and cups of coffee and cake - which I can't really do with a boy. (Unless he's gay, of course! And I would have no qualms with that - whatever he is, he will be my son!) So I'm not disappointed that it's a boy, but I am kind of sad that it's NOT a girl...does that make sense? It's more the loss of a fantasy, I guess.

When they're babies they're all much the same - they cry, poop, sleep and both little boys and girls want their mommies, no matter what. It's more when he gets bigger, and he starts getting into "boy things" like sports, and emulating his father that I imagine I will feel a bit lost and at sea. But maybe that is why I am having a boy - to help me understand and connect better with the male species? Because truth be told, I don't really "get" men all that well. I have a bit of a distant relationship with my father, so to me, my mother, the female figure has been my everything. Maybe a little son will help heal and change that for me.

My hubby is thrilled, but too scared to really get his hopes up just yet in case we find out it's actually a girl next visit. But this weekend I went out and bought something in blue anyway - but a light powder blue that a girl could wear, just in case.

And as superficial as it sounds, the one thing I'm thrilled about is that we have my favourite boy's name lined up for him if he is, in fact a boy! So that'll be cool. But I'm afraid we're not sharing that - we want to keep it our secret until we're sure, and until we feel we can face any negative criticism of that name. I don't really feel like having anyone trashing the name we've chosen just yet.

And let me tell you - choosing a name is a lot harder than I originally thought it would be - it's got to sound good with our surname, it can't be too way out or weird 'cos then he'll get teased, but I don't want something too common either, and generally you can't pick something that someone in your immediate circle of friends/family has! Phew.

I'm still feeling little fluttery movements - they feel like a little kernel of corn popping in my abdomen! Really cute.

4 months and going strong

2009-05-26T07:52:00.002+01:00

Check out my little "official" belly! It's small but definitely showing now, finally! I no longer feel like I'm faking this whole preggie thing. And the best part of all is that I'm feeling the first movements! At first I wasn't sure if it really was the baby moving or just wind, but the movements were very low down in my pelvis, too low for it to be wind or my stomach, so I managed to "catch" a movement by putting my hand over my lower belly to feel, and I felt a definite little thud. I don't feel them very often, and mostly they are very subtle, but I am now convinced that it is the baby I feel moving.

This is too exciting for words!!!!

And knock on wood, my nausea is mostly gone. I still get the odd day, but I haven't thrown up in a while, so I definitely feel like it's getting better. And even my gross shoulder acne seems to be clearing up a bit. Yay!

Sorry again for my absence, I am still overworked and trying to get my head above water, and I promise you all I am sneaking a read when I can, but right now, I don't have time to browse and comment like I used to. It actually just shows you how much time blogging really takes up!

Still alive...

2009-05-19T13:40:00.002+01:00

Hey there, sorry for my long absence, but what a drama. My husband had this lady who I've been calling Shirley, working in his shop for him. She did the accounts, debtors, cash-up and anything related to the finances of the business, as well as other things. She's been working for him for about four years and had become like a member of the family. Well, she was caught stealing. Sadly.

She was merrily doing refunds on our speedpoint machine into her various credit cards. Luckily the banks picked it up, but this had been going on for almost a year.

Needless to say she's been booted out and now I have to take over the running of the shop and all her tasks. It's been a lot to cope with, because instead of having someone train me I'm teaching myself and trying to make sense of it all. I'm enjoying doing the work and feeling a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, but at the same time it does get pretty stressful. Which is not good for being pregnant. I'm taking deep breaths, trying to stay calm and get through mountains of work.

Hence my absence. I haven't had a moment to breathe, really. But I'm okay, and baby is fine, I think. We go for a check up next week.

When I can squeeze in another post, I will, and I've got serious blog reading to catch up on!

Socialising when you're pregnant sucks.

2009-05-04T11:34:00.003+01:00

I never thought I'd hear myself say this (being the ultra light drinker that I am) but there is definitely a place for social drinking. This long weekend we had a braai with Mr. Cat's relatives that are down here from Jo'burg and then another evening we joined friends of mine for a braai...and all I could think of was when we'd be going home. Because of course everyone is having their wine or beer or whatever, and I'm the only kippie drinking fruit juice.

And believe me, there's only so much fruit juice one can drink.

It's amazing how quickly you get tired and bored without alcohol. Even if it was just one or two drinks that I used to have. I now miss those one or two drinks. Now I really never thought I'd hear myself say that.

I'm not sure how you other mothers felt about drinking during pregnancy, but I can't bring myself to do it. I just can't bear the thought of my teeny tiny little baby ingesting alcohol through me, even if I only have one drink. Even though some doctors say that one glass of wine now and then is okay, I'd rather err on the side of caution.

Besides the fact that I'm getting tired quickly and not joining in with a social drink, it gets even worse when everyone else carries on drinking way into the night. They are getting progressively more jovial and loud, and my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier.

To his credit though, when I'm ready to leave, Mr. Cat is okay with that. He understands. So at least I'm not dragging his butt home unwillingly. I think he's quite happy that I'm so careful and good during this pregnancy. And I'm thrilled to report that I'm back onto my healthy eating bandwagon! With the (slow but nonetheless steady) receding of my nausea, I can now make healthier food choices.

And I finally did take the plunge and got my hair dyed. It's now an all over reddish brown colour. I didn't necessarily want it to come out reddish, it just did. But it's not bad. And I tried my best not to inhale those horrid dye fumes, but of course, when the stuff is sitting on your head, you can't help it. But I just thought of all the other moms out there who've dyed their hair whilst pregnant and reminded myself that the baby will be fine.

I'm already so over-protective and cautious that I wonder what kind of overbearing mother I'll be?

Belly Roll

2009-04-29T14:44:00.002+01:00

Here is my most recent tummy pic. This pic was taken last week, but it's not that much different now. As you can see, finally a little belly. It's still not huge, of course, but it's just starting to show through my clothes.

I'm still eating like a horse, and have put on about 3 kgs or so, but I'm not really (thankfully) gaining weight all over. Maybe a little, but nothing to speak of. So I'm lucky in that I'm not getting bigger all over just yet.

I've decided to take the plunge and dye my hair. I'm going tomorrow. I know my gynae cautions against it, but after hearing SO many mothers have done it, I don't think it can be that bad. I won't be there every two weeks, I'll go a natural colour that I can leave for a few months before I need to touch up again. I do feel a bit nervous, I guess because this is my first child, but I'd really like to do it.

I'm really starting to "become" a mother. I ordered Jenny McCarthy's books (she is Jim Carrey's girlfriend and her son was diagnosed with autism - I saw her on Oprah and was interested in her books) and she feels there may be a link between vaccinating and autism. I don't know if any of you have heard that or have any feelings on the topic, but I decided to do some Google research on the whole topic now, before I have a child and let the doctors vaccinate. There is a safer way of vaccinating which I'm looking into.

All this is just coming out of me - this drive to arm myself with knowledge that could possibly protect my baby. Amazing. I'm suddenly so interested in all this stuff - and have decided I also need to find a VERY good pediatrician, one that will listen to me and that I have a rapport with. My God, I'm a control freak, no? I'm only just 3 months preggers.

And I hate to say that the nausea hasn't completely gone. It goes for a day or two, then I get nasty one, and throw up. But I will be grateful for the day or two I have inbetween.

My boobs are not as tender as they were in the beginning, and whilst they're a bit bigger, they're not huge. Still fitting into my usual bras - thank goodness, because the last thing I feel like doing is shopping for bigger bras.

Lastly, I've renewed my gym contract and will start going again this May. I have really fallen off the gym bandwagon, what with feeling so nauseas and tired all the time. But I need to at least do a little exercise - I'm just feeling a bit flat without it. Who woulda thunk it?

Our second scan!

2009-04-23T11:52:00.003+01:00

Apologies all, I've been very slack, but I have a good reason - I'm a hardworking girl. I'm busy with my big freelance job! But I thought I'd sneak a few moments to update you on my second scan, which was last week already.

Can you see an actual baby now? What a difference from the blob we saw on the first scan! It was amazing for us to see that we have a real little human being now! And we got to hear the heartbeat, which was awesome too. It's made it all a bit more real for me now, especially as my belly has not really gotten that much bigger yet. And I think for Mr. Cat it's helped too - he now rubs my belly and talks to the baby - very sweet - except that sometimes he rubs it too hard when I'm feeling sick and it makes me feel worse!

Unfortunately, although we got a good look between the legs, we couldn't tell what it is yet, because at this stage a boy and girl's anatomy looks very similar. So hopefully next time!

Overall, my nausea is going away - slowly. I have more days inbetween now that are "throw up" free and am starting to get my normal appetite back - ie: chocolate is tasting good again! Yay. And although I don't want to drink lots of, I had my first cup of coffee today in about 2 months. With this cold weather starting, I'll have the odd cup.

Now I'm trying to decide whether or not to dye my hair. For the most part I reckon it's safe, but my gynae, oddly, was opposed to the idea and told me not to. But the thing is, I have a few sneaky greys creeping in and about 5cm's of regrowth. The regrowth in itself is not bad, but the greys that are showing through are yuk. (Can you believe it, I'm going grey at 30?)

I have to do some catch up blog-reading asap! And will post a pic of my belly as soon as I can.

Still here

2009-04-14T15:08:00.001+01:00

I have a huge freelance illustration assignment (yay!) which is taking up all my time. I haven't deserted my blog, and I'm still reading yours, I just have no time right now to do much commenting, and even less time to think of what to say in my blog.

I am now 12 weeks pregnant, and my nausea has abated somewhat, except it came back today, but I've had some lovely, nausea free days and it's been wonderful!

I'll grab a moment this week and blog properly.

Idols break

2009-04-09T08:49:00.002+01:00

Just to take a break from blogging about pregnancy, I thought I'd ask: is anyone watching our local South African Idols? If so, who do you want to win? Did you think anyone was voted off unfairly?

In my opinion, it's a toss up between Jason and Sasha-Lee winning. I'd like Jason to win purely because I think it's time for a guy to win again, and I do think he's got talent.

I thought Lize (remember her?) was a bit unfairly voted off, because I really thought she was quite good, but I guess you can't predict how the public are going to vote.

Tell me, who do you think should win? Who is your favourite?

Just as an aside, Jason has a really great website; www.jasonsgarden.com that you can log onto and get more info on sustainable farming and living, which I think is really impressive. He's got a good cause to boot!

I forgot the best...

2009-04-09T08:48:00.001+01:00

part about being pregnant - NO PERIOD! 9 whole months without that nonsense! How could I have forgotten? Hee hee!

The good stuff

2009-04-07T08:05:00.002+01:00

Okay, so after yesterday's moan about all the bad stuff about being pregnant, I thought I'd do the opposite today and focus on the good. And yes, after racking my brain, I did come up with a few positives. So here they are:

- I've gone completely off coffee, which I thought I'd never ever be able to give up in a million years! It's just happened all by itself.
- As mentioned, I've also gone off chocolate, and for the most part, all things sweet. This is a bonus too, as I had one major sweet tooth before, and was suffering with low blood sugar problems. Now, I'm naturally wanting more "real" foods.
- Obviously, I'm not drinking at all. Not that I ever drank much, but now I never ever wake up with a hangover!
- I feel like I've finally joined the "real women's" club. As sucky as the pregnancy is, at least I'm lucky enough to be able to fall pregnant, and my body is doing this amazing thing. I will get to experience all the wonders and mysteries of childbirth and motherhood, if all goes well. It's something I must remember to appreciate, because there are some women who can't have children or who try for years. Let me count my blessings.
- I have a good excuse for acting weird, and for getting out of doing things I don't feel like ("I feel sick, I feel tired") and then later, when I have a big bump, everyone will fuss over me. Cool.

The bad and the ugly

2009-04-06T10:15:00.002+01:00

I'm sure (I hope?) pregnancy has it's joys, but at the moment I'm not experiencing any of them. I'm just getting the bad and uglies.

I've mentioned ad nauseam (excuse the pun) the nausea (also called All Day Sickness), the fatigue, and the occasional bout of constipation, but there are other small "afflictions" that have come along with pregnancy for me.

- I have now got a lovely case of acne on my shoulders, which I've never had in my life! It's really ugly. Thankfully it's not on my face! But really, I'm breaking out on my shoulders and back like a teenager!
- My armpits are a lovely shade of tan/brown. I think it's the pregnancy hormones coming out from my sweat glands and mixing with the deodorant and then reacting in some way, because when I shave, the brown "stain" is less. But that's exactly what it looks like, a stain under my armpits. Charming. I must remember to ask the gynae about that next week.
- My gums are starting to bleed when I floss. I've read that I can expect this, but I didn't think it would happen so soon. This is fairly minor, so I'm not too worried about it.
- Weight gain. Yes, it's happening. It has to happen, considering I'm eating double to triple what I normally would! I have to eat something, and something substantial, every 2-3 hours, else I feel all woozy and sick. And as fun as it sounds to eat all day long, it actually gets very tiring. I am sick and tired of thinking what to eat next!

I'm ranting, I know, but I really thought I would "bloom and blossom" with pregnancy, like you hear people talk about, but this is just not happening. I feel worse than I've ever felt in my whole life! If things don't start looking up for me, I don't think I'll want to repeat this in a hurry.

I'm confused, because isn't pregnancy supposed to be so natural and wonderful? Why does nature make us women (or is it just me?) suffer like this? Why should we feel tired and sick and hormonal and cranky and bloated and ugly? Why not have our bodies respond to being pregnant with a sense of energy and wellness? I don't get it. It's just not fair! And the worst part is, according to what I've read and heard, there's more to come!

Mr Price rocks maternity wear!

2009-04-03T13:02:00.001+02:00

All I can say is, thank you Mr. Price! (For those overseas, Mr. Price is an affordable clothing store!)
I'm just getting a little too big for my normal clothes (pants are actually, unbelievably, still okay, but I tend to push them below my tummy) but my tight, cute little tops that I love to wear normally are now just feeling too small and too silly. If I wear them (you know, the Woolies strappy ones with hidden support vests) I just feel like I look fat. So at the moment, I'm wanting to wear softer, flowing tops that hide the "spare tyre" for now, and that I can grow into when I get a real tummy later.

I've been looking on the internet at local maternity wear websites, and there is some stuff out there, and some nice stuff too, but it's SO pricey! And then I would have to pay for delivery on top of that! I was debating ordering some stuff, as I'm starting to need a few clothes, and our local Woolies has stopped it's maternity line and Edgars maternity wear is, in one word, crap! So I was thinking I either have to order some stuff online, or I've got to make a trip to Durban to go shopping! And then, thankfully, I was talking to my friend (mother of 2) and she suggested I try Mr. Price. I hadn't even thought of them.

So yesterday I went to browse around, and found their "Baby on Board" range. What a godsend! For one thing, they actually have a whole range of stuff to chose from, not two pathetic pants and three ugly tops like Edgars! And whilst not all of it was nicely cut, or well fitting, at least the stuff was modern and contemporary and the few items that did fit my frame didn't make me feel frumpy! I ended up buying one pair of maternity pants and three tops. Thank you Mr. Price!!! And the cost of those 4 items equalled what I would have paid for one pair of maternity pants online!

Now that's what I call a bargain and it totally made my day! In fact, I'm wearing one top now.

10 weeks today

2009-03-31T12:54:00.002+02:00

My baby, according to babycenter.com (a really cool, informative website) is now the size of a kumquat. My uterus is just over the size of a grapefruit. (That helps explain my nice round little tummy!) My little fetus is moving around now, has webbed fingers and toes, and nails are starting to grow! Apparently, a downy fuzz like peach hair is starting to grow, and it's swallowing amniotic fluid already. The head is still huge, but the ear holes are in the right place. Amazing!

I'm just getting to the point where some of my normal clothes are feeling a bit too tight or uncomfortable. I'm starting to search through my wardrobe for anything babydoll or looser fitting, especially on top. Pants I'm still managing, as I'm just wearing them below my belly, and most things are hipsters these days anyway.

But I tell you, for those of you who have never been pregnant: it's one hellavu change! I believe the bigger changes are yet to come, but already I feel like my world is topsy turvy! My eating is completely different, I've just gone off coffee and my usual staple - chocolate - just doesn't appeal to me at all! How sad is that? And believe me, I've tried to force a few blocks down, and it just doesn't taste nice!

Just a few more weeks (I hope) to get through with All day Sickness, which has come back and struck me with a vengence! I don't wish that on any one. If you are planning on falling pregnant, wish and pray for a pregnancy without morning sickness. Most days I'm coping, but some days it really just gets me down and makes me tired of all this pregnancy stuff.

Nitter Natter

2009-03-27T11:44:00.002+02:00

Yesterday I had a real girly day!

First I went with a friend to an Estee Lauder product presentation that was held in our local Edgars. We got muffins, croissants etc, with juice, and a little box of free samples. Then, I won a facial - so the Estee Lauder consultant whisked me to the back room and did a quick "facial" using Estee Lauder products on my face. It was fun to be pampered and to try all their products.

Now obviously she's trying to sell the brand, and was telling us about their economical daywear moisturiser with an SPF in it. So my friend asked how much it was. R 400 for a jar! I nearly choked, and thought, if that's what they think economical is, then I'm living on another planet!

Then I went to have my nails done. I'll call my nail "girl" (she's in her twenties, but being younger than me, I think of her as a girl) Dee dee. So anyway, Dee dee is the one I've mentioned before who has had a miscarriage, but this time all is going well for her. The gynae put her on progesterone tablets as soon as she found out she was pregnant, because her own body wasn't producing enough.

Interestingly, she wasn't that nauseas before, this time round, with all going well, she's been suffering badly with morning sickness. So much so that it brought her to tears at times. But I'm relieved to hear that her morning sickness has almost all gone. So there's hope for me. She's 14 weeks, I'm 9 weeks pregnant.

In fact, dare I say it, but my nausea does seem to be getting less. Milder. Hallelujah!!!

So there we were, Dee dee and myself, two pregnant women nattering about our experiences so far. She showed me her last scan pictures and we discussed the gynae - we are both going to the same guy. I was hugely relieved to hear that he is not that eager to just do a caesar unless it's needed. Dee dee actually wants a caesar because she's a small girl and is afraid she won't be able to deliver naturally. I, on the other hand, am far more afraid of them cutting me open and doing all sorts unnatural things to me. I would like to, if possible, aim for a natural, epidural free birth. Different strokes for different folks. I guess each woman is different.

It was so nice to finally chat to someone who is also going through all these changes, all this stuff. I had a great day yesterday.

Oh, and to top it all off, Mr. Cat and I went to watch Marley and Me last night and it was a thoroughly enjoyable movie, even though I cried my eyes out at the end.

Growing...

2009-03-25T10:15:00.003+02:00

My belly, that is. A little bit. Slowly. But it's getting there. It's just got a roundness to it now. I'm thrilled, except for the fact that it just looks fat now. It doesn't look like a pregnant belly yet. But I'm 9 weeks, so the growth should start to take off from now. You can compare this picture with my first picture on this post here. You'll see a bit of a difference, I think.

I've still got morning sickness, which is bringing me down a bit, but I have hope that in a few weeks from now it'll all be cleared up.

Libido lost

2009-03-20T10:53:00.000+02:00

Well, seeing as I have been very open and honest about all my other bodily changes with pregnancy, I may as well blog about this too.

My libido has gone. Missing. Out of action.

It's just that with tender, sore boobs that have become a "ouch, don't touch" area, and feeling constantly bloated what with constipation and the need to eat all day, not to mention the nausea and the feeling like I could sleep forever, I just don't feel sexy at all. As much as Mr. Cat says I'm still gorgeous to him and that he will embrace the changes my body will go through, it doesn't make me feel any more desirable on the inside. I've lost my loving mojo.

I am told I will get it back in the second trimester.

Here's hoping.

Our first scan!!!!

2009-03-18T09:29:00.003+02:00

Sorry if I've been quiet for a few days, but I was house-sitting my dad's house. He went on a cruise with his girlfriend and they had a fantastic time, and I got to be in Durban near my mom for a few days and just had some time to myself to sleep, rest and chill. I needed it!

Last Thursday we went for our first scan! I was so excited, but was also feeling SO nauseas that day. But nevertheless, it was a thrilling first visit. Okay, the fetus doesn't look much, just a blobby shape, but we saw the flicker of the heartbeat! We don't get to hear the heartbeat until next visit as the Doppler machine which they use for that is high intensity and the gynae feels it is safer to wait.

In the picture, the dark round patch is the amniotic sac, and the pale grey blob to the bottom right is the baby. It only measured 1.36cm (so tiny)! We think the head is to the bottom and the "tail" is the top, and the little limb buds are facing to the left. It's so hard to really make out, but it's there!

I am still suffering terribly with morning sickness. The gynae did prescribe something called Vomifene, which I believe a lot of women have taken, but when I read the insert, it says "Safety in pregnancy has not been established," so of course I felt very nervous to just take it. I phoned the gynae's office and he has been prescribing it for years, and my cousin's friend in Jo'burg took it, but I still felt very uncertain. Anyway, I eventually took one last night (it makes you drowsy, so I didn't want to take it during the day) and it didn't really take the nausea away, but it did dry me out, making me SO thirsty! So I feel it's not really worth it. And I just still don't feel confident taking a full on medication like that. So I will live with the sickness and hope it goes away in a months time!

Lastly, the other joy of pregnancy is finally getting me as well: constipation. There is a natural syrup you can take to help, which I'm taking, and it's quite gentle on your system. But I tell you - what with the fatigue (yes, I'm constantly tired now), the nausea and the constipation, I am really not enjoying this time. As much as my aunt has advised me to enjoy every moment of my pregnancy and not wish it away, I can't help but wish this stage away! I just want to hibernate for the next month, and then emerge when I'm feeling better! They really should give pregnant women "first trimester leave" for a month or two! But at least I'm a lucky one who works for her husband and go lie down at any time during the day. So I will count my blessings.

Food, glorious food

2009-03-11T15:15:00.002+02:00

I've mentioned that I'm just damn hungry all the time nowadays, even though I'm suffering with nausea too. Somehow, the nausea doesn't diminish the appetite, as it normally would, because as I've said, eating actually helps with the nausea.

I'm not normally a big eater, and on the whole, I'm a pretty healthy eater. I never drink coca-cola, only Tab, I try not to eat junk/take-away, and I usually love salads, fruits and veg. I was generally health-conscious and I liked eating that way.

Not any more. Now that I'm pregnant, all that has changed. Just to give you an idea, here's what I've eaten in a day, and all this is BEFORE supper, which I will still eat:

1 slice toast with honey
1 slice leftover pizza
1 KFC regular twister for mid-morning
1 KFC burger for lunch
1 small easter egg
1 small soft serve ice cream
2 glasses of coke (I'm finding it settles my tummy quite well)

As you can see, not the most healthy food choices either. I was all geared to have a healthy pregnancy, not gain any unnecessary weight and steer clear of "baddies" like take-aways and coke, but at the moment, and this is really strange, but those are what I'm craving. Those are the only things I can actually stomache.

Suddenly, I don't even want fruit or salads, which I used to love! And I'm not taking any vitamins anymore (except my folic acid, of course), because I've been told they make the morning sickness worse!

So much for my lofty ideals. I am still jogging with Mr. Cat when I can, even with my huge, tender breast bouncing around! I figure if I'm going to eat so much, the least I can do is try to exercise a bit.

Oh well, I'm just trying to enjoy eating all this delicious, bad food for once in my life, and unless I carry on like this for weeks, I won't stress too much just yet.

In fact, I'll have another slice of pizza please!

Hormonal emotions!

2009-03-11T11:00:00.000+02:00

I'm not usually an emotional person.

About 2 weeks ago, I suddenly burst out crying for no reason at all. I knew immediately it was the preggie-hormones but I couldn't stop the flow of tears. So I just went and lay on the bed crying until Mr. Cat came looking for me. He thought he'd done something wrong, poor guy, but in between sobs I managed to blurt out "It's not you, it's just the ...hormones."
I had a good long cry and then it was over.

In typical, logical man-fashion, Mr. Cat said "This is something I must just realise, and see it for what it is, and then we can just deal with it calmly. No need to get personal about it or start saying things to each other we don't mean."

Like I said, poor guy. He has to try pin this down to something his male brain can understand. He never has, and never will, just burst out crying for no reason. He doesn't quite get that it's really okay. That I'm really okay. Tears don't mean anything major.

Then, the other day we hired that movie "The Women" (and there are no men in the whole movie till the very end!) and at the end, the one woman gives birth. As soon as I saw that baby get handed to her mommy in the movie, I started bawling.
"Oh, it's just so emotional!" I spluttered.
Mr. Cat just looked at me and shook his head.

The tag at last!

2009-03-10T13:16:00.006+02:00

Sorry, Tamara, that it's taken me so long to do this tag, but here it is finally.

The whole thing is to take a pic of your bag, the one you are carrying around with you at the moment, and then empty it of it's contents and take a pic of that. Then go through your handbag contents and reveal to the blogging world.

Today was a perfect day to do this tag as I am sick and tired of this stage (and by that I mean the nausea and tiredness) of pregnancy and don't feel like talking about it.

So, below, here is my handbag. For those of you who may remember, it's the same one I bought and blogged about on my previous blog. I'm still carrying it around and using it.

And below, here are the contents of my bag! Scary.

1) Two little writing notebooks - I carry these with me and write in them if/when I get inspiration or feel like it. I guess I'm hoping that a great idea for a book/poem will just strike me down one day, and if it does, I'll be ready! The reality is that I often write diary type entries into these more often than not. Heavens only knows why I'm carrying two around with me, but one is old and one is new.

2) My ID book - I carry this everywhere as I can never remember my ID number. I should, by now, but I don't.

3) Directions to the spa that I won the voucher for - I am going to redeem it on Friday!

4) Pens - for the above notebooks, and I always feel I must a pen or two on me at all times.

5) Compact mirror - that's the little round orange thing you see in the bottom left corner. Just bought it recently. It's always useful to carry one with.

6) Wallet - that's the beigey-brown thing in the middle.

7) Grocery list - I tend to shop almost daily - bad habit, I know, but I can never think far enough in advance to plan meals!

8) Car cell phone charger

9) Tampon pouch - that's the cute pink little zip up purse you see on the top right. Not that I'll be needing those for the next 8 months. I didn't really think about that.

10) Mom's recipe for peppermint-caramel crisp tart - delicious! I actually made it the other day and it was a success! I've been carrying this recipe with me since Christmas day. I need to organise and get myself a recipe folder.

11) Maternity wear brochure - it's early, but hey, I like to know what's out there.

12) Telephone book

13) Daily diary - the pale blue little book, for appointments and things.

So there you have it. The mysterious contents of my bag. I'm not going to tag anyone, just 'cos I'm too lazy to, but if you want to do it, go ahead! Let's see what you've got inside your handbags, ladies!

Emotions and feelings

2009-03-09T08:39:00.005+02:00

Well, I'm still feeling nauseas as hell, and even threw up. It's not pleasant. I've tried every remedy, and the only thing that kind of works is to eat all the time. I'm eating more than my husband at the moment! I told him not to judge me, and not to look at how much I'm eating. It's pretty insane, but I'm also just damn hungry a lot of the time too.

"Experts" say you shouldn't really eat more during your first trimester, or gain any weight. I say that's bollocks. When your stomache feels so hollow you want to be sick, you HAVE to eat. There is no way around it. Your body just takes over.

__________________________________________________________

I've been writing a lot about the physical stuff and haven't said much about how I'm feeling, emotionally.

Hmmm...scared is one emotion. I think both Mr. Cat and I feel a bit of that. We'll be out and will look at kids and babies around us and think "That's gonna be us soon." And when we see them being naughty or playing up we shudder in horror. Then again, we see a darling little angel lying in her carry chair and we feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Mr. Cat said something very sweet and reassuring the other day. He said "I'm really ready for this in my life. I think having a child or two will add something to my life, will give it meaning and excitement. Otherwise it's just the same old, same old. This way there is always something happening, they are growing and developing and you see the world through their eyes."

My feelings exactly. As scary as it is, it will also be a whole new chapter in our lives. Excitement, change, tears, ups and downs. But that's how we grow and mature.

As soon as my morning sickness passes, I say "Bring it on!"

For now, I'll have another piece of toast please.

Feeling much much better!

2009-03-04T15:15:00.004+02:00

Hooray! Today the nausea seems to have abated a lot! I think I figured out what was making it so bad - I've been talking salmon oil supplements for the omega 3's. The dietitian at that pregnancy bootcamp was saying how important the DHA omega 3 is in the development of the baby's brain and how the only source of it is fatty fish and that supplementation is essential. So like the good mommy-to-be that I am, I raced off the next day and bought these capsules. Took one on Sunday and when I burped, all I could taste was the salmon oil. Gross, I know, but it didn't make me feel too bad that day. So I took it Monday morning and Tuesday morning (yesterday) which was my worst day yet. And all day I could taste that salmon oil repeating on me.

So today I gave it a skip and I feel much better. Haven't had much nausea the whole day! It's wonderful. I feel like dancing and singing! I even made it to the gym and had a run on the treadmill.

I was reading Lyndsau's post (she is also pregnant, and is just 2 weeks ahead of me) about how she is feeling hungry all the time and craving fried foods. Well, I'm not craving fried foods, but I am feeling far more hungry than usual. I wonder why? The experts all say that I shouldn't be consuming any more calories in this trimester, but why then do I feel like I could eat double? Can anyone explain it?

And one more weird thing, which I've read about, and it seems to be true. My sense of smell is definitely heightened. Or more sensitive. Suddenly I can smell things very strongly. Especially, and this is quite gross, other people's body odours. I know it's summer and the odours are stronger anyway, but lately, it's all I can smell when I'm near someone that has been sweating, and it hasn't been helping my nausea, that's for sure. Other odours are also strong, but this one in particular has been really getting up my nose!

Poor me...

2009-03-03T15:14:00.003+02:00

I am feeling SO sorry for myself today. I am feeling even worse today, and nothing has really helped. Tried the ginger biscuit thing as soon as I woke up, and it worked for all of 5 mins, then I felt nauseas again. I've spent a good few hours in bed today, as the only thing that really seems to help is lying down. Even eating or not eating or whatever is doing very little.

HELP!!! I must be careful for what I wish for. My mother is just chuckling at me because I wanted to "feel something" and now I've got it!

I'm so ill I can hardly think of much, but my boobs are definitely bigger these days too. The joys. And although I haven't really put on weight, I feel bloated too.

Sorry, that's all from miserable me. Excuse me while I go curl up and die.

Real morning sickness and a workshop

2009-03-02T12:04:00.002+02:00

The real morning sickness hit me this morning! Aargh. I had to run and get a bucket...but I didn't actually throw up. Just felt the worst kind of nausea ever. It happens, they say, when you have an empty stomache, which is why it tends to strike in the morning. And eating some toast did help. Then I went to gym, then obviously burned off the toast, 'cos was nauseas again! So I ate again. At this rate, I'm gonna be huge, 'cos the only thing that helps is to eat!

This Saturday just past, Mr. Cat and I went to a pregnancy bootcamp workshop which was held at a Durban hospital. It was very interesting. I think I was the only woman there who wasn't showing, and they all must've thought I was a fake, but nonetheless, it was really worth being there. They explained the signs of labour (as opposed to the false Braxton Hicks contractions that happen before to prepare you for labour - can you believe what your body does to prepare you?) and explained how the baby makes it way out. A gynae was there and explained about the epidural and the whole labour process.

I'm still keen to go all natural if I can, but I won't stress if I do need an epidural. Or a caesarean. Whatever is best for baby, obviously.

And the best part of the morning is that we won a prize! Besides getting gift bags full of stuff from the sponsors, we won a prize for booking early. Lots of baby creams and lotions and some stuff for me, including a spa voucher. Very cool. I think this little "shrimpy-baby" is blessed already!

So even though I'm feeling rather ill at the moment (I'm not rejoicing anymore, and in fact am cursing the morning sickness now) I know that it'll pass and that it's all for a purpose.

Someone else's good news

2009-02-27T13:18:00.002+02:00

I am still eating as healthily as I can, and when I weighed myself at the gym yesterday, I found I haven't put on any weight as yet, which is good. I don't want to put on unnecessarily, but by the same token, I'm NOT dieting or anything silly now. Not that I ever dieted, but I've watched what I eat.

I was thrilled today to find out that the Nail Girl (remember the one I mentioned who miscarried around 3 months?) is pregnant again and is 10 weeks along! Nearly out of the danger zone, and the doc assures her she and baby are fine. I'm SO happy for her, but she's really feeling very nauseas, and is even throwing up at times. Shame. She also wanted to "feel" some nausea in the beginning, she says, like me, because she wanted to know that something was happening. Now, of course, she wishes it would go away.

I'm finding the nausea to be worse one day, then, like today, not so bad at all. In fact, almost not there. Last night I had my first hormonal-emotional outburst. Mr. Cat and I were just chatting and next thing I feel all emotional and had a good old cry. I'm not usually moody, so I think it threw him a bit. He said he just needs to realise that this is part of what happens, that it's nothing major, and we can deal with it calmly. Shame, he's trying, but as a man, he doesn't understand what hormonal moodswings feel like. We women tend to get them with our period anyway, so we're used to the ups and downs. I guess pregnancy just exaggerates them.

It's the two week countdown until I get to go for my first scan! If only I could pass the time quicker!

Nausea....ugh....

2009-02-26T14:38:00.004+02:00

Okay, okay, I know I shouldn't have wished for morning sickness 'cos now I'm getting it. It's getting a little worse, a little more intense, and it seems worse at night. For me it's night sickness. But it's still not really a strong sensation, more like it's lying in the pit of my stomache or back of my throat for hours. Is that 'normal'? I suppose each woman feels it differently. But it's nothing like the intense bouts of throwing up like the movies make it out to be. Not for me anyway.

Good news is I found that kitty a home! Shirley, who works with us, has decided to take it. The kitty is here with us at work today, and it's so cute. I'm glad it's found a home.

Baby names and gratitude

2009-02-24T12:35:00.003+02:00

The other night Mr. Cat said to me, "I can see that you're happy and all that to be pregnant now, but aren't you scared of giving birth?"
And my honest answer was no. I am actually not. I used to be. But now I am only scared of something going wrong during the birth. A good, normal birth doesn't scare me. Yes, I'm a little scared of the pain, but I've been told that it's a natural pain that helps you to know where to push etc. And I think of all those millions upon millions of women who've done it before me and I know I'll be fine, no matter what.

I also know that the actual birth is far off, and that ight now our main concern is to get past the 3 month mark, and make sure all is well. I keep thinking of the girl who does my nails. She was pregnant and just around 3 months she had a miscarriage. My heart broke for her. She had been for scans and everything, and was so excited, only to lose it. I can only pray that doesn't happen to me.

For now though, I'm still thanking God that we were one of the lucky couples who didn't have to try for months and months. That must be hard and heartbreaking too. I know that in that regard, we are blessed. That friend of mine that I said has been trying for over two years, told me today that she thought she might be pregnant. But she isn't due for her period for another 2 weeks, so I think it's too early to tell, and I think she's just wanting it to be, and it's not. I feel so much for her, I wish I could make it happen for her, but I just can't.

And now my thoughts are moving towards: is it a boy or a girl? Which would we prefer? What names do we pick out? I would love to have a girl first, I guess because of the special bond I have with my mother, but I know Mr. Cat would be over the moon for a boy and maybe it would be more thrilling for him to have a boy first. Either way, I am overwhelmed with the fact that it will have both our genes. It will look a bit like both of us. That is weird and freaky in a good way!

So I went out and bought a baby name book, but I tell you, out of all those thousands of names, not many are that nice. I am find the boys names harder, as there are not many that are strong, easy to pronounce and manly. Girls names are a little easier, and I've found a few I like already. Am I jumping ahead here?

What name would you pick for a boy? Or what boy's name have you heard that you've thought "That's a nice name,"? Help!

Small changes

2009-02-24T10:52:00.002+02:00

I'm having my first small bout of morning sickness today! Yay. It's still very mild, but it's there.

Those little white bumps around my nipples are now very prominent and look like little pimples. That is one of the signs. And slowly my areolas are darkening and my nipples are getting a little bigger. And last night I was in bed early. Just felt so sleepy. So it's all good!

And how cool is that babystrology gadget I've got on the right hand side? Except it shows the baby looking like a little shrimp still, which I believe it does at this stage. Not very nice to look at, but at least I'm getting a visual.

Due date

2009-02-23T14:05:00.002+02:00

Modern technology can be pretty cool. I've been onto some preggie-websites and have worked out my due dates. Okay, I got two different dates, but they're pretty close, so I have a rough idea.
The one date is October 25th, the other date is October 27th. So late October. Cool. I didn't even need to go to a gynae to work that out.

I am starting to feel a little fatigued, but not much. Still no morning sickness, no cravings, nothing. Which is good, I suppose, but I'm still waiting for something dramatic.

I've basically got to wait almost a whole year for the baby to arrive. My God, that seems like a long time to wait.

Anyone want this kitten?

2009-02-21T08:59:00.005+02:00

Isn't this kitten just adorable? And what lovely markings! She's grey with black points, but her grey is various shades as well.

Naughty me...my mother is now looking for a kitten as she only has one cat, and so I saw an ad in the paper for free kittens to good homes. So of course, I just had to go and have a look, for my mother, you know. And I fell in love. I've never seen such a gorgeous little kitten. She is 5 weeks now, so she still needs to stay with the mother, but this lady already has 5 cats of her own, so she can't keep any kittens.

My mom is deciding, but is not sure yet and is going to look at the SPCA. I wish I could take this kitty, but I just can't. But I could possibly take it for a while and look for a home for her. A GOOD home. I can't stand the thought of this kitty going to just anyone. I know, I'm broody and it's the hormones and all that...

But would any of you take it? (South Africans I mean.) I could maybe put it on a plane and send her, like the breeders do. Maybe I'm just being crazy. What do you guys think?

Pictures and stuff

2009-02-21T08:42:00.008+02:00

Suddenly I'm even more conscious of what I'm eating! Last night I was going to cook a curry (with lots of veggies) but it would've taken a long time, so we decided to do the easy thing and get takeaways. KFC. Naughty. I picked the healthiest thing I could find - a mini-twister with a coleslaw salad. All I can think about is feeding my "shrimp" healthy stuff! This morning I had some fruit and a slice of low GI seed bread with hummus. I've never been so motivated to look after myself than I am now. I've even cut down to only 1 to 2 cups of coffee, and am having Rooibos (which I don't usually like) and herbal teas instead. Amazing.

I thought I'd post some pics for you guys, seeing as not much has changed since yesterday. Boobs still sore, but otherwise, I feel the same. Not much nausea (mild, but hardly worth speaking of) and no tiredness or anything.
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This is the cute little babygro I was talking about. I love the little bear ears on the hood!

My best friend bought me this cute, soft teddy.

This is my tummy as it is now. Flat, nothing yet...but I can't wait to see it grow. Never thought I'd wish for a bigger tum!

This is the pregnancy test I did the next day after I found out I was pregnant - the results are much clearer here.

How awesome is this shirt? I saw it whilst out shopping and had to buy it for Mr. Cat!

The news has sunk in...

2009-02-20T11:28:00.000+02:00

...finally. I still don't "feel" particularly "pregnant", whatever that is meant to feel like. Although, at least today my boobs feel tender and a bit bigger. I went to gym to do a toning class and we were doing calf bounces and man, did my boobs hurt! I was so happy!

But the news has become real to me now.

I went to visit my mom and best friend, Caylee yesterday and already, they've bought me stuff. Baby stuff. The cutest is a little cream jumpsuit which is thick and fluffy and has a hood with little ears on it. It's too divine. I just can't imagine a little person will be filling that out sometime. And a little person that comes from me. My mom insisted on buying me a pregnancy book, which is pretty cool 'cos it's got the week by week thing. Mr. Cat and I lay in bed last night going through it and we read that by now it's just the size of a grain of rice, and looks like a little shrimp. Or it will by the end of this week. And the heart will start beating. Amazing hey? I'm going to my first appointment in 3 weeks time and we should be able to hear a heartbeat. That is freaky. I can't wait!

My emotions have rollercoasted, but are settling down a bit. It's intense joy and then fear. But I'm still waiting for more...something to make it more real. 'Cos I look the same, I'm carrying on with life the same. I suppose all that will come. And at least today I got the "boobs" so I'm happy about that.

I'm carrying on with gym and jogging for now, which is safe, and slowly, as my bump starts to show and get bigger, I'll have to slow down.

I'm definitely going to take pictures week by week, or month by month, of my growing belly. But for now it looks flat, in fact, because I've been gyming regularly, it's flatter than it ever has been.

Mr. Cat is so worried that I'm going to get fat and huge and keeps reminding me that I don't have to eat for two. I won't eat for two, but now, I'll be eating as healthfully as I can. Bring on the fruit and vegetables!

I'm pregnant!!!!!!!

2009-02-18T13:46:00.000+02:00

Hey guys...I'm back with a new blog, not too different from my last. But this time, it's all about my pregnancy journey!

I just found out today! I was a day or two late for my period, so I thought I may as well test, you never know, but I've felt no different or anything, so I really wasn't expecting the test to come out positive. I did it and at first there was only the control line, so I sighed and thought "I knew it, not this month." Then I looked again, and there was the very faintest second line appearing.

"Hang on," I thought to myself, "What's this?" I squinted at it, turned it different angles to the light and sure enough, there it was, faint but there. I started to get shaky with excitement and immediately phoned my best friend.

"Caylee, if the line is very faint does it mean you're pregnant?"
" Yes!" she said. "That's exactly how it happened for me with my first. It was so faint, but there. Go do a blood test!"

I called Mr. Cat and showed him the test. He could see the second line, but wasn't convinced 'cos it was so pale.
"Maybe just wait and test again tomorrow," he said, ever pragmatic, and typical male, not wanting to show too much emotion just yet.

I phoned my mom, couldn't help it, and said "Mom, brace yourself for good news - I think I might be pregnant."
She burst out crying. Typical.
"I'm not sure yet, mom, so don't get too excited. It's very pale, I'm going to do another one and then maybe go for the blood test tomorrow."

So off I went and bought two more home pregnancy tests, two different brands, just to be sure. I couldn't wait though, so I sat at a coffee shop, had a cup of tea (rooibos this time, to cut down on caffeine just in case) and then went and did the test again.

Two blue lines. One paler than the other, but clear as day this time. Oh my God.

So I went straight to the blood lab at the local hospital and got a blood test. The nurse taking the blood asked me if this would be a good thing, and I said "Yes, very good! I'd be thrilled."
"So we'll phone you with the results," she said.
"Uh, if they don't take that long, can I wait here for the news?" I asked.
"Of course."
That hour in the waiting room was a long one.
Eventually the nurse comes out and calls my name.
"It's positive," she says softly.
"Sorry, can you just say that again?" I was so excited, but thought maybe I misheard.
"It's positive," she repeated.

I virtually floated out of the lab office. I actually went in the wrong direction and ended up in the wrong parking lot. But I was so thrilled I didn't care.

On the way home I stopped off at the shops and bought a pair of yellow baby booties to give to my husband as a way of breaking the news.

He looked shocked, then happy, then said "Oh shit," then hugged me.

I've been on a rollercoaster all morning. We've already told everyone we can think of. His folks know, my folks know, I've phoned all my friends....
The hardest call to make, though, was to my one close friend who has been trying for a baby for almost 2 years now. I felt so...so...almost guilty that it has happened fairly quickly for me. But she was thrilled. Shame. Everyone is thrilled.

See, the line on the left is there, but faint. And more to the left side. But definitely there.

I'm feeling all sorts of emotions. I've wanted this more than I thought possible, after at first thinking I'd never want kids. But something changed in me, and I got broody. Now I'm pregnant!!! For the very first time. This is amazing.